Too Rich

It's Arizona in July.

Meaning, it's fucking hot. We went out to get out of the house, but needed to find somewhere indoors because of said heat. The girls got sorbet, Theo got ice cream and Matt and I got acai, something I've recently discovered...

A Seat at the Table

My dad and I broke the legs off of the spice covered crabs and dipped the white meat in melted butter, our fingers covered in a mixture of Old Bay, vinegar and said butter. My nose began to itch, just like it does when I'm washing the dishes and I don't have a dry hand to appease the persistent, annoying prickle. My kids were running around somewhere, their bodies encased in a layer of sweat and earth and sugar...

TV Review: "The Leftovers" Series Finale

The season finale of The Leftovers was poetic and simple and beautiful. I have not always loved certain elements of this show, namely the afterlife episodes, but I see now, after it's all over, what I think the creators and writers were trying to convey: that there are some things we just can't know, that we all are fighting ourselves internally to some extent, that conflicting and confusing and dueling desires rage within us all. That that is what it is to be human…

J + K Get Married on Quadra Island

It took an uber to a plane to another plane to a taxi to a rental car to a ferry to get to Quadra Island. It was quite the adventure. The ferry was one of my favorite legs, probably because that meant I was almost there, but it was beautiful and calm and the end of day light felt nostalgic as it danced on the water…

Victoria, BC

Last August my brother, Joe, got married. He and his wife decided to have their wedding on Quadra Island, which is an island within Vancouver Island, which is off the coast of Vancouver, BC. I spent two years in Vancouver, which was the beginning of an awakening for me. I became aware of the world outside of what was familiar to me. I loved my time in BC. I miss it often…

Before the Internet

Before cellphones and the internet, we'd arrange a time for my mom to pick me up from the mall, and I'd be where I said I'd be at the time I said I'd be there. I probably just asked somebody for the time. Or she waited, probably not happy with me. Or I waited, wondering how I was going to get home. Or I'd call collect on the payphone and in the space where I was supposed to only say my name so the recipient knows who's calling, I'd instead say: "come pick me up from the mall!" and then quickly hang up so my dad wouldn't incur any charges. He hated being charged for collect calls or ambulance rides…

Book Review: Settle for More

This book has me torn. On the one hand, I admire Megyn Kelly and her willingness to not apologize for what she says and thinks. She does not feel the need to precede opinions with qualifying statements, which is something I do too often. She is smart. Really smart. Her list of achievements make me feel like I need to go run a marathon while giving birth (to twins, no epidural, full make up on) and writing a novel…

Hard Things

I sent my oldest child to school yesterday, like millions of other parents across the world. We walked the brisk walk down to the bus stop, the wind whipped our hair. She asked, again, for me to drive her and Theo to school so she wouldn't have to take the bus. All of the sudden she didn't feel well. I couldn't take her that day, the bus had to happen. As the bus appeared at the end of the street, I could see her fighting back tears. She grabbed for my hand and walked towards the bus, even though she didn't want to get on it. I was telling her that I loved her, that I was so proud of her, that she was being so brave, and then I found myself saying this: we can do hard things…

Outside of Motherhood

I have been trying to run away from it, this motherhood thing. Not in a literal sense. Geez. What kind of a mother do you think I am? I don’t believe I would ever actually leave my children. But that’s not to say I love every minute of it. I don’t.

I guess that's the kind of mother I am…

Book Review: First Women

From Jaqueline Kennedy to Michelle Obama—two of the most fashionable and iconic First Ladies—First Women offers a deeper insight as to what life is like for these women inside the illustrious walls of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Unlikely friendships (and rivalries) emerge, but ultimately these ladies are bound by something deeper than political party or personal grievances and connections—they know…

Women's March in Raleigh

I got out of bed shortly after I heard my kids emerge from their room. I had failed, yet again, to get up before them to write, to run, to read. For the past year almost, I have felt defeated, rarely writing, running inconsistently and never reading as much as I probably should be. One day turns into two and two to four and so on and so forth, and the longer I put it off the scarier and harder it becomes. But as I heard my seven year old begin her work on her poster, which she decided would read: "Stand for what's right, even if you're standing alone," I suddenly found a little bit of motivation I didn't previously have…

Silver Linings

My oldest daughter loves to tell us that she is brown—she takes a lot of pride in the fact that she is half of her father, who is British and Afro-Caribbean, his biological father being full Jamaican. His biological mother was a red head, and I can sometimes see a stray auburn hair amidst his tight curls. My girls get their beautiful and often commented on curls from him, while my son has my hair…

Choosing 40

And what I’ve come to is this: it can matter, or it can’t. It’s up to us. We have a choice—much like joy is a choice, and kindness is a choice—to say that memories matter, that people matter, that our legacies do matter, regardless of surrounding circumstances and our mixed up, messy motives.

Stardust

So, forgive me. Forgive me as I probably say the same thing 27 times over trying to convince myself that it’s ok, I’m ok, we’re all gonna be just fine. Forgive me as I stab and stab and stab into the blinding blackness. I’m just hoping to catch some stardust…

The Importance of Doughnuts for Breakfast

It was a Monday that had started so well. It was Ev’s birthday, and I had told her to wait in her room until I came to get her up. I could hear the two of them squeal and squirm in excitement, Sophie followed their noises and pattered across the floor. I lit her “6” candle and stuck it in a donut. Pajama clad and wrapped in the still waking, blue morning light, Theo and I sang her happy birthday…

Wiping Winter

With a look of pure delight and satisfaction he replied, “You’re welcome, mommy.” He was sure he was giving me a compliment. I couldn’t resist loving his moon face as he smiled the smile that never fails to weaken me…